then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
