you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
We named our party play list daddy issues
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
