Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Randomize
