Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
do nipples grow back?
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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