Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i dont even know how to be here
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
