exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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