I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
