he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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