Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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