He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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