Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
