I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
