i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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