cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
