every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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