friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
