He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
