physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
