No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
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