Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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