he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
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