at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
