New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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