No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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