why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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