yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
and she was petting her beer can
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
