I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
