My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Pants are for mortals
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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