capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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