Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
