I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
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