And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize