i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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