forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
