Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
