Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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