look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
i dont even know how to be here
it glows. i had to have it.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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