Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Sorry about my life...
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
