i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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