our cab driver is having phone sex.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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