im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
