I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
