So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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