I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
