There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
