hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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