You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Randomize
