he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
