yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize