Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
