The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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