i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
