I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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