I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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