At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
