Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I AM VODKA MAN
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
