worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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