I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
