I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
