he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
