just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
