Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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