I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
