Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
4 words: hood of his car
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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