It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
he was CRYING into my vagina
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
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