i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
