so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
